True Beauty!

When I first arrived to Thailand, I had my nails freshly shined and polished a bright pink. My hair and makeup were done to the best of my limited abilities. This honeymoon lasted about ten days.

I didn't do any variation of physical activity for approximately 30 days after arriving in Thailand. Additionally, I was eating all the fried, oil, sugar and MSG enhanced food available. Most of my meals were paid for by my sponsor, as long as I was willing to eat when and what he wanted to eat. On top of that I was homesick, uncomfortable, nervous and in distress. Unsurprisingly, I began to eat my feelings.  I found comfort in cookies, soda, potato chips and snicker bars. As I mentioned before, I rarely eat these things when I am at home….sweet Colorado. The weight gain was underway and my complexion looked awful! Also, don’t forget I am hairy, covered in mosquito bites with chub rub and a marvelous heat rash that I can’t stop scratching…I’m a sight for sore eyes! I am already massive by Asian standards and was on the fast road to becoming the hulk minus the incredible! Of course, lack of activity and poor nutrition has an immense impact on the mindset as well. I began to wonder, what is true beauty? Even though I felt terrible about myself and looked dreadful, all my students still smiled at me and told me I was beautiful! Beautiful!!?  Who were they kidding? Were they blind? Maybe they were hoping for a better grade or extra points?

In Thailand, they believe white skin is beautiful. The features they believe make a person beautiful are uncommon in the general Thai population. In Thailand, the majority of people have plastic surgery to become “beautiful”.  The customary surgeries to become beautiful are nose jobs to obtain a more prominent bulbous nose and shave the jaw line to create a V shaped face. All the stores, including 7-11, sell whiting body wash, lotion and vitamins. Most lotions are not even really lotion, its sunscreen. “Vitamins” are pills that offer the promise of becoming a white beauty after ingestion. I have all the features that the Thai culture considers beautiful.  Meanwhile in America, I am just another average woman. The students in America don’t tell me how beautiful I am. Most of the time I get asked, “What is wrong with your hair?” or “are you tired?” Are you tired is code for, I don’t think you checked in the mirror today. So, what is true beauty?  In America, it seems most of the population wants to be thin, tan and in constant pursuit of obtaining an immaculate appearance. In spite of the American obesity rate being over 30% and climbing rapidly, we still constantly chase fads in hopes of becoming slimmer. Just about every strip mall is complete with a tanning salon, nail salon, hair salon and some kind of fitness operation.  So why do we decide everything we’re not is the image of beauty?

This mentality is commencing the battle on self-acceptance.   The wanting mind is never satisfied. The wanting mind is the belief that something outside of ourselves is the key to happiness. If we obtain the object of our longing, we replace the previous object with a new desire. In reality, there is no permanent happiness outside of oneself, it must come from within. I grew up like most young American females, watching the media portray and glamorize desirable sexy female figures on TV. I believed these women were beautiful and wanted to be and look like them. My coveting only led to my own disapproval and discontentment. My mother was powerless in teaching me about true beauty, as she herself has felt disapproval and inadequate for most of her life. It is hard to teach something you don’t know yourself. In actuality, my mother is one of the most beautiful women I have ever met. Not by societies standards, but by my own. It is now at my most hideous exterior, I am beginning to understand true beauty.

A beloved friend back home wrote me after reading my pants post and told me it didn't matter what I wore or how my legs looked, I am beautiful either way. True beauty comes from within an individual and can be seen in the character of the soul. Compassion and humanity are the essence that gives a human being depth. These attributes illustrate true beauty. So my recent struggle has been self-acceptance. Self-acceptance is the ability to unconditionally love oneself no matter what traits or flaws exist. For a perfectionist with an insatiable attitude, self-acceptance and humility are difficult undertakings. Mistakes, errors and imperfections are easy to come by when you are an alien. Every day presents a new possibility to become more beautiful. 

Muay Thai- IN THAILAND!

My love, my passion, my dream, my…you get the point.

Let’s be blunt, I came to Thailand because I love Muay Thai. I began doing Muay Thai about four years ago. If you read my past post on Muay Thai, you will learn how it literally saved my life. I love Muay Thai so much I want to be in the land of its origin!

In America, I taught Muay Thai at a high school and local martial arts gym. I pursed the art with several different instructors. As I told my students, it is not uncommon to outgrow your instructor. Students all have different learning styles just as instructors have different teaching styles. If you truly love something, why not explore all the different systems and perspectives of your love? Opportunities are a revolving door and if you spend too much time looking at the closed doors, you will miss the ones opening.

During my Muay Thai training, I have encountered several closed doors. Some doors slammed in my face and some stubbed a few toes, but now I am exactly where I want to be. One of my friends was beaten very badly by her martial arts instructor and boyfriend, this is a man I trained with under the same master. After hearing her story, I immediately told my master I could not continue to be associated or train with the instructor whom had beaten my friend so mercilessly. My master’s response was crude and cold. He told me there is always more than one story and I should not turn my back on my family. Hmm….sorry, but anyone with the skill and position of a martial arts leader requires responsibility to uphold integrity and to be held accountable. If any of my “family” beat someone the way this man did my friend, I would report them to the police.  This was door number one slammed in my face; my master’s response was appalling and disgusting. I chose not to support nor participate in a system that protects martial artists that beat women.

The high school I taught at has a program called, Fund for Teachers. This is a grant or scholarship program that allows teachers to write proposals for projects believed to enhance teaching during the summer months. I wrote a proposal to go to Thailand for 3 months and train in Muay Thai, since I was after all teaching it to high school students. My principal at the time would not even sign her name on the paper. She had another agenda in mind and had requested other teachers to write a proposal for a project she wanted to support. She didn’t even want me to be entered in the assembly of applications!! This was door number two that subbed a few of my toes. I was down but not defeated.

 About two months later, one of the teachers at my school put me in contact with a Rotary Club member. This man spoke about his ten year history of work in Thailand. I was all ears. The possibility that I could make a trip to Thailand excited and frightened me! Eight months later I was boarding an aircraft to begin my Thailand adventure.

 I didn’t actually start doing any Muay Thai until mid-February. When I went to the camp in my providence, I was actually scared! I began sweating profusely, either from nerves or the hot weather, but most likely both. I couldn’t believe all my efforts led to what was right before my eyes. My current reality is an outdoor Muay Thai camp complete with Thai boys from ages 7-16 in their small shorts making strange sounds as they kick the hanging bags that must be filled with cement! I am the only American woman that speaks English. As I stepped out on the floor to perform my shadow boxing routine, my heart rate quickened to a pace that made me dizzy and almost ill. I kept telling myself not to pass out and just control my breathing. The owner of the gym was impressed, he told me…in Thai. Mae translated. After a few sessions of shadow boxing, they let me hit some pads. I finally began to accept the situation and feel more comfortable.

When most people hear about me being in Thailand, they think of beautiful beaches and lively parties. In actuality, I live in the center of Thailand in a small rural farming providence.  My Muay Thai camp is not one that has the fame or big name for training foreigners like Fairtex or Tiger. They train me like they train Thais. I do my clench work with a 14 year old boy who is stronger than most of the infrastructures around my providence and he does not hesitate to put me on my butt either. This is not new to me, right Montana?

The champ who has won three belts is 16 years old and a student at my university. He has been training in Muay Thai for 10 years and is incredibly kind, helpful and respectful. My workouts consist of three shadow boxing rounds, five pad rounds and five punching bag rounds. The time is set by my trainer. Afterwards, I have 10 minutes of clench work and conditioning. Everyone keeps asking me when am I going to fight? I promised my mother I wouldn’t fight; however, it is only a matter of time before my camp asks me. Sorry mom. I run 3 miles every morning before work at Bamboo Park. Mae’s father has become my morning workout partner as he drives us to Bamboo Park and rides his bike while I run. After work I head to Muay Thai for about two hours of training, this is my routine Monday through Friday.

 Some people say they are passionate and love Martial Arts and some people show it. I left a steady job of seven years, a house, a family and friends for my pursuit of Muay Thai.