When I first arrived to Thailand, I had my nails freshly
shined and polished a bright pink. My hair and makeup were done to the best of
my limited abilities. This honeymoon lasted about ten days.
I didn't do any variation of physical activity for
approximately 30 days after arriving in Thailand. Additionally, I was eating
all the fried, oil, sugar and MSG enhanced food available. Most of my meals
were paid for by my sponsor, as long as I was willing to eat when and what he
wanted to eat. On top of that I was homesick, uncomfortable, nervous and in
distress. Unsurprisingly, I began to eat my feelings. I found comfort in cookies, soda, potato
chips and snicker bars. As I mentioned before, I rarely eat these things when I
am at home….sweet Colorado. The weight gain was underway and my complexion
looked awful! Also, don’t forget I am hairy, covered in mosquito bites with
chub rub and a marvelous heat rash that I can’t stop scratching…I’m a sight for
sore eyes! I am already massive by Asian standards and was on the fast road to
becoming the hulk minus the incredible! Of course, lack of activity and poor
nutrition has an immense impact on the mindset as well. I began to wonder, what
is true beauty? Even though I felt terrible about myself and looked dreadful,
all my students still smiled at me and told me I was beautiful! Beautiful!!? Who were they kidding? Were they blind? Maybe
they were hoping for a better grade or extra points?
In Thailand, they believe white skin is beautiful. The
features they believe make a person beautiful are uncommon in the general Thai
population. In Thailand, the majority of people have plastic surgery to become “beautiful”. The customary surgeries to become beautiful
are nose jobs to obtain a more prominent bulbous nose and shave the jaw line to
create a V shaped face. All the stores, including 7-11, sell whiting body wash,
lotion and vitamins. Most lotions are not even really lotion, its sunscreen. “Vitamins”
are pills that offer the promise of becoming a white beauty after ingestion. I
have all the features that the Thai culture considers beautiful. Meanwhile in America, I am just another
average woman. The students in America don’t tell me how beautiful I am. Most
of the time I get asked, “What is wrong with your hair?” or “are you tired?”
Are you tired is code for, I don’t think you checked in the mirror today. So,
what is true beauty? In America, it
seems most of the population wants to be thin, tan and in constant pursuit of obtaining
an immaculate appearance. In spite of the American obesity rate being over 30%
and climbing rapidly, we still constantly chase fads in hopes of becoming slimmer.
Just about every strip mall is complete with a tanning salon, nail salon, hair
salon and some kind of fitness operation. So why do we decide everything we’re not is
the image of beauty?
This mentality is commencing the battle on self-acceptance. The
wanting mind is never satisfied. The wanting mind is the belief that something
outside of ourselves is the key to happiness. If we obtain the object of our
longing, we replace the previous object with a new desire. In reality, there is
no permanent happiness outside of oneself, it must come from within. I grew up
like most young American females, watching the media portray and glamorize desirable
sexy female figures on TV. I believed these women were beautiful and wanted to
be and look like them. My coveting only led to my own disapproval and discontentment.
My mother was powerless in teaching me about true beauty, as she herself has
felt disapproval and inadequate for most of her life. It is hard to teach
something you don’t know yourself. In actuality, my mother is one of the most
beautiful women I have ever met. Not by societies standards, but by my own. It
is now at my most hideous exterior, I am beginning to understand true beauty.
A beloved friend back home wrote me after reading my pants
post and told me it didn't matter what I wore or how my legs looked, I am
beautiful either way. True beauty comes from within an individual and can be seen
in the character of the soul. Compassion and humanity are the essence that
gives a human being depth. These attributes illustrate true beauty. So my
recent struggle has been self-acceptance. Self-acceptance is the ability to
unconditionally love oneself no matter what traits or flaws exist. For a
perfectionist with an insatiable attitude, self-acceptance and humility are
difficult undertakings. Mistakes, errors and imperfections are easy to come by
when you are an alien. Every day presents a new possibility to become more
beautiful.
